Thoughts

Everytime I think I've got it figured out,

another heart break comes around the curb
taking me by surprise, breaking me to a million pieces...

my soul is broken Lord, I am tired

tired of trying to figure life out

there is a longing in my heart to be part of something bigger

but instead I follow the instructions...
wake up on time
get to work on time
do school work
achieve

excel

excel

are you excelling? NO you are failing! You do not measure up !!

I drag my feet with my tail between my legs...
the gentle breeze caresses my cheeks only to create more meloncoly...

what is the meaning of it all
why another heart break
another failure
another question left unanswered...


Everytime I think I've figured it out...I get dealt another blow...

what's the point of ME?? what?!

Don't tell me to worship You, because You could have created us as angels and we would worship You up in heaven and have a much better time doing it too!!

Why earth?? there must be a point to each soul you've created...or else you would not have created us each with a different print, different look, different soul....


Father, I'm ready to live for some crazy big purpose...I'm ready to look at my day and say yes, today I helped somebody, today I listened to somebody, today I made someone's life better....

Is it true? is that longing in my heart for a bigger purpose explainable? or is it just my pride...how foolish of me to think there is a bigger meaning to my life...!!

I wait for you every morning...as I walk out the door, embracing life with new energy...everyday hoping to make a difference in someone's life...

I sit behind a screen, write words that don't make any difference in anyone's life...peak at other's words and hope to oneday be able to talk like them...to argue like them...to love like them...


if my wild heart out of place? am I foolish to think life so much more than going to church, teaching sunday school, doing my job and paying my bills???

Confusedly Waiting,



na3na3a.